RESIDENTS in Rothbury have asked armed police if one of them has a minute to take down Sky’s Kay Burley.
The sleepy Northumberland village has been under siege since the anchorwoman arrived yesterday morning, armed with a world-weary camera crew and a head full of her usual stupid bullshit.
Martin Bishop, a retired engineer, said: “She stopped me in the street and asked me how terrified I was on a scale from one to 14 and a half.
“When I said I wasn’t particularly bothered because the place was swarming with police and the suspect seems to be a particularly special kind of moron whose name appears to have been randomly thrown together, she immediately accused me of hiding him in my shed.
“And of course by this time I am just looking at her blankly and wishing to God that a little red dot would appear in the middle of her forehead.”
Local parish councillor, Nathan Muir, added: “She kept asking me how many times I had been to the toilet and I kept trying to catch the eye of a policeman with a large handgun and then motioning towards her with my head.”
And Emma Bradford, a housewife and mother of three, said: “Kay Burley asked me how responsible I felt – on a scale from six to 32 – for allowing this man to park his car in my community.
“When I repeatedly refused to apologise she then threatened to report me to social services and said I was obviously on heroin.
“And yet for some reason all these police insist on chasing a heavily armed killer.”
Meanwhile, earlier today, as the police continue to scour the surrounding countryside, one of the villagers sneaked up to Burley and attached a hand written note to her back which read ‘I am Raoul Moat in a bad wig’.