A MAN queuing at a cafe has realised too late that it only sells vegan things which taste unpleasant.
Tom Logan entered the Willow Tree in Bristol hoping to buy a cheese and pickle bap and a large piece of chocolate cake, not realising that the establishment forgoes meat, dairy, and all things that bring joy.
However the earthy, bleak nature of the produce did not dawn on him until he was already being served.
Logan said: “A cold feeling crept over me as the counter assistant explained that they use something called Cheddarise Dairy Alternative Paste.
“Apparently it’s delicious. It doesn’t look delicious though. It likes like an abomination and if it could talk I’m fairly sure it would beg me to kill it.”
Logan then asked about cakes: “To her credit, the woman explained that all the vegan cakes are not very nice and I would be better off at Greggs.”
He added: “I bought a wrap full of bean mulch and salad leaves, it actually tasted fine although it looked very much like something a kestrel might line its nest with.”