Tosspots get their frisbees out

THE time has come to throw a plastic disc around, Britain’s tosspots have confirmed.

The bellends, who will pretend that hurling the frisbee is a proper game with points and winners, are hoping to ruin the day of up to 100 other people.

Tosspot Tom Booker, said: “We just love throwing this thing back and forward, laughing too loudly at nothing and stampeding through picnics.

“Kids try to join in and we don’t let them, it occasionally goes into traffic which we hold up, and if you’re an attractive woman then the centre of our ‘game’ will gravitate towards you.”

Fellow bellend Nathan Muir, added: “We shout ‘DUDE!’ right in the faces of people trying to have a sandwich. It’s tremendous fun.”

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Restaurant serving deconstructed burger asked to reconstruct it

A DINER has demanded a restaurant ‘do the right thing’ and put his ironic, deconstructed burger back together again. 

The restaurant in Brighton served Stephen Malley its unique and witty take on an American classic with real aged Texan beef only for him to call the waiter back and request the kitchen ‘finish the job’.

He said: “You see these two beef patties? And these toasted sesame buns that you’ve served on the side? Arrange them into a cylinder for me.

“If we just leave the salad there on the other side of this vintage oar you’ve served it on, I won’t eat it, will I? So pop it in what we’re going to call ‘the burger’.

“And the cheese. There we go. Was that so hard? If I want to construct my own food I’ll construct beans on toast at home.”

Head chef Tom Booker said: “Yeah. I don’t think he got it.”