BOOMERS have declared a final, crushing victory over Generation X, millennials, and the Zoomers who will be forced to pay for their social care.
After years of getting their own way on house prices, climate change and Brexit, boomers believe they have now vanquished all other generations for good.
Retired headmistress Margaret Gerving said: “Your surrender is unconditional. Your defeat is total. Your purpose in life is to pay for our deaths.
“You pathetic snowflakes have forced us to live in a world of genderfluid, Black Lives Matter, Extinction Rebellion nonsense, but you’re still footing the bill.
“I’ll enjoy my long slow decline into decrepitude, revelling as my body and mind need more and more expensive help, assured in the knowledge that annoying youngsters – by which I mean anyone under 55 – are paying through the nose for my senility and incontinence.
“What do you mean, I sound selfish? I’m just a harmless little old lady who wants to give the proceeds of selling my four-bedroom detached house to the local donkey sanctuary.”
Sophie Rodriguez, aged 23, said: “Just another two decades of financing history’s most overprivileged bastards to go. Come on, guys. We can do this.”