Brexiter not happy until Europe a smouldering ruin

A MAN who everyone thought would be happy about Brexit will not be satisfied until the rest of the EU is in ruins, it has emerged.

Norman Steele believes the next step after Brexit is the financial ruin of all European countries and ideally the destruction of all their buildings, art and culture.

Friend Emma Bradford said: “If an EU country has problems Norman gets very excited and says things like, ‘There’ll be riots in the streets soon.’ Then he licks his lips.

“He’s also keen on the eurozone failing and their governments being overthrown by angry mobs. It’s odd because I never had Norman down as a violent international anarchist.”

Steele said: “I see there’s trouble brewing in France with Marine Le Pen. This pleases me.

“Obviously Brexit is great news, but I just feel that if the rest of the EU suffered extreme misery that would be the icing on the cake.

“Serves them right for ensnaring Britain in a trade organisation we wanted to join because it made economic sense.”

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Social mobility hampered by mutual loathing between classes

SOCIAL mobility in the UK is prevented by our utter loathing of anyone even slightly above or below us on the social ladder, a report has found. 

The government’s social mobility commission has found that movement down the ladder is impossible because everyone below us is scum, while those wealthier than us are up-themselves arseholes with annoying facial features.

A spokesman said: “The British class system, with its millions of fine graduations, is bound together by our unyielding hatred of all the other social classes.

“The posh hate the poor, the poor hate the posh, everyone hates the middle-classes but not as much as they detest themselves.

“Social mobility is aggressively rejected by Britons who simultaneously don’t want to be anything like those fancy twats with their chiminea and Ocado deliveries, or anything like those chavs with their 55-inch telly and kids on quad-bikes.

“Nobody can move anywhere without betraying everything that makes them who they are. And so the stasis of British life continues.”

Recruitment consultant Carolyn Ryan said: “I hate everyone. It’s easiest.”