Brexiter returns to petty neighbour feud

BREXIT supporter Tom Booker has returned his attention to a long-running feud about his neighbours’ garden path.

Following confirmation of ‘hard Brexit’, 53-year-old Booker feels he can go back to his vindictive boundary-based squabble with the family next door.

Booker believes that his neighbours’ garden path occupies his land, even going to the local records office and looking at old maps for evidence.

He said: “It looks like that path has been there for ages, but I know they moved it in the night, carefully re-inserting the grass on either side like Wayne Rooney’s hair transplant.

“And they’ve taken my recycling bin and swapped it with theirs which is very similar but not as good.”

Although campaigning for Brexit diverted Booker’s attention for several months, he is now back to pretending to be out so that he can spy on the family next door, in case they are plotting against him or the wife is having a shower.

Neighbour Roy Hobbs said: “I just thought he was just a quiet loner, but then he rang the council to tell them I was kidnapping local dogs for Satanic rituals.

“I’ve tried saying he can use our garden path but he says it’s part of my ‘much larger agenda’ to murder him, burn down his house and build a mosque.”


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Cat’s psychic abilities overrated

A CAT’S ability to ‘sense’ complex emotions has been hugely overrated, it has emerged.

Five-year-old ginger tom George is believed by his owner to have psychic abilities allowing him to understand her without language.

Mary Fisher said: “When I got the phone call saying I had lost my job, George knew instinctively what was wrong.

“He looked at me in this deep way that said ‘Mother I understand your pain, but another job will be along soon, do not cry’, then he got on the sofa beside me, because he was trying to protect me.

“A similar thing happened when I found out my husband was having an affair, and when my nan died. He just knows.”

However Fisher’s son Richard said: “George just does normal cat things, which my mum thinks are profound and somehow paranormal because she is mental.

“When he looks deep into your eyes, it’s because he wants some food. When he gets on a chair next to you, it’s because the chair is comfortable and he wants to sleep on it.

“George is basically a machine programmed to get protein and keep warm. He’s no more psychic than Derek Acorah.”