KNOW a woman in the prime of life? Looking for conversation topics that will piss her off no end? Try these:
Bring up her biological clock
Post-30, women love talking about the state of their ovaries with acquaintances and colleagues. Perhaps bring up a study you read about fertility plummeting after 32, or a newspaper article you saw noting anyone over the age of 24 is medically a ‘geriatric mother’.
Ask whether she can really ‘have it all’
Can a woman have a family and a career? It’s a conundrum that’s the subject of countless books, films and any other discussion of a woman in her 30s, but you should really get this particular 36-year-old’s opinion. Never mind that asking the question suggests she can’t.
Compare her to fictional losers
Daring to be single after the big three-oh? Are you Bridget Jones, Fleabag or Miranda? Be sure to ask your friend’s sister if being alone is a conscious effort to emulate these fictional characters, rather than part of her unique life journey as an independent human being.
Suggest that life begins at 40
If the woman you’re conversing with is nearing the end of her thirties, reassure her that everything she’s been doing up to this point has been pointless and she might as well have been injecting crack into her eyeballs all this time. That’ll cheer her up.
Assess how old she looks
Finish off this dazzling exchange by telling her that, at 37, you personally don’t think she looks a day over 35. If possible, enlist other party guests/cinemagoers/funeral attendees to see if they agree.