Britain's welfare debate 'not working'

THE British system of debating social security is open to rampant abuse and exploitation, according to research.

Experts have called for a radical overhaul of the system to reward people who want to debate with their brains, while penalising ‘thought scroungers’.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “In the same week the government rolls out controversial benefit cuts we have a man, on benefits, found guilty of the manslaughter of his children. It does seem like a remarkable coincidence.

“Anyway, the welfare debating system is now so dysfunctional that these two things can be connected by the Daily Mail in what is known as a ‘fraudulent claim’.

“This claim results in a ‘thought’ which is then ‘scrounged’ by millions of people.

“Meanwhile, Ricky Tomlinson is opposing the cuts by setting out ’10 lies about welfare’ in the Guardian, but all anyone can see is the feckless layabout he plays in The Royle Family.

“This debating system is a catastrophic mess. We have to completely dismantle it and start again.”

Brubaker has recommended tax credits for families who debate using actual facts, while families who think all benefit claimants are sub-human waste would be paid in vouchers that they can only spend at the Office for National Statistics.

He has also challenged welfare secretary Iain Duncan Smith to spend an entire week trying to have one original thought.

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Kate and William's home to have indoor hunting

PRINCE William and Kate Middleton’s new Sandringham home will have indoor hunting facilities.

A royal spokesman said: “The house contains a large forest full of traditional quarry such as stags, foxes and pheasants, as well as more exotic species like okapi for a bit of variety.

“Ducks, grouse and snipe will be tied to the ceiling of the master bedroom, allowing the couple to have a relaxing morning’s shooting from the comfort of their own bed.

“The royal baby’s bedroom will contain more modest prey, such as squirrels, which the baby will be able to pick off with an air pistol from its cot.”