British family brutally catfished by pebble beach

A FAMILY on a UK break were devastated to discover their destination had deceived them by offering only pebble beaches. 

The Sheridans, a London family of four, headed out to Aldeburgh in Suffolk for a seaside break before realising to their horror they would have nothing to walk on but harsh, unforgiving stones.

Donna Sheridan said: “We thought a quaint English seaside town would be a nice change. Little did we know the town was built on a lie.

“I didn’t think to look up the molecular make-up of the shoreline before we came, which Nathan blames me for, but I assumes the sea would have done its bloody job and turned stones into sand by now. What else is it doing all f**king day?

“Walking on it was agony. Sitting on it was painful. My daughter piled 14 rocks in a bucket to try and make a sandcastle. They tumbled out and didn’t make a pile even though she’d given the bucket a special tap.

“Pebbles aren’t a beach. They’re just where land meets water. Aldeburgh should carry an official warning.”

Local councillor Joseph Turner said: “We’re masters of deceptive photography over here. Our skill puts middle-aged women on Tinder to shame.”

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We ask you: which Hollywood star, ie the only Americans that count, should replace Biden?

JOE Biden is too infirm to be president, so gay liberal Hollywood has no option but to step in. Who should replace him for the showdown against Trump? 

Joanna Kramer, architect: “Vin Diesel. He’s bald, he sticks by family, he gives every impression of cognitive impairment, it’s the role he was born for.”

Stefan Malley, metalworker: “Who is Trump most afraid of? Freddy from the Nightmare on Elm Street films, without any doubt. Get him in.”

Norman Steele, haberdasher: “Ed Harris. You know, the renegade general in The Rock? No? The admiral in Top Gun: Maverick? He was in The Right Stuff? The Nazi dude in Enemy At The Gates? No? Seriously?”

Lynne Ryan, genealogist: “Macauley Culkin. Him and Trump know each other from Home Alone 2, so it won’t be awkward.”

Nikki Hollis, masseuse: “They don’t need an actor. Hollywood can de-age you now. They’ve done it to Joe Pesci.”