Britons would be out enjoying the sun if they weren’t basically slaves

MILLIONS of Britons are thinking about what they would be doing in the sun if they weren’t busting their asses in a soulless office environment.

Watching the glorious sunshine through a permanently-sealed double glazed window, they are wishing they were not trapped in an economic hamster wheel.

Office worker Tom Logan said: “Once men were free, like animals. Life was short and brutal perhaps but there was a savage dignity in it and you didn’t have to read passive aggressive emails from people complaining about mouse mats.”

Sale administrator Nikki Hollis said: “If only I’d gone to a snazzy public school, or perhaps worked harder at my state school, I’d be a member of an elite lolling about on yachts and the sun would be my friend, not a bittersweet reminder of this air-conditioned corporate prison.”

However, unemployed Stephen Malley said: “The Guardian might have you believe being on the dole is relentless misery, but it’s not.

“When it’s sunny you can take your small state stipend, buy a can of beer and sit in the park with your mates, luxuriating in nature’s bounty.

“If you don’t have kids being on the dole can be pretty great, at least for a while. I know you’re not supposed to say that, but it’s true.”