CAMPING is only a holiday if your normal house is worse than a tent, it has been confirmed.
The activity, which demands that participants leave all their nice stuff behind and sleep in a bag, is now in the same class as visiting elderly relatives and getting your tyres balanced.
Camper Julian Cook said: “Now you mention it, I did start looking forward to going home as soon as we got here. But I assumed it was because I’ve been with my children.”
Fields – euphemistically called ‘campsites’ – have also been proven to be colder, less connected to wifi and more prone to ants than houses, flats and bungalows.
Cook’s wife Helen said: “I’d always wondered why the ‘best’ campsites were the ones with the most house stuff in them. Fuck this, we’re off.”
Similarly, caravanning is only a holiday if your house is worse than a large trailer, and going to Yorkshire is only a holiday if you live in a well.