‘GOING to the carvery’ is now the UK’s biggest belief system.
Britain’s devotion to queueing for roast meats has been rewarded with the legal status of a religion.
Father-of-two Roy Hobbs said: “I’ve block-booked a table of five for the next 80 years. It will eventually be passed on to my eldest son.
“I live for Sundays. The ‘sun’ of course refers to the glowing heat lamp benevolently warming the massive Yorkshire puddings and gleaming lakes of gravy.”
He added: “There’s a perception that carveries are mainly for white working class males, but anyone who can hold a plate is welcome to join us.”
But Hobbs’s wife Emma said: “Carveries are full of greedy bastards who spill peas on the floor during their feeding frenzy, then trample them into the carpet.
“I want to go to a proper restaurant, where reasonably-sized portions of food are simply brought to your table.”