HIPPY parents will be giving their children drab, joyless dairy-free Easter eggs again this year, it has been confirmed.
As the egg rush begins, middle class eco-parents confirmed plans to disappoint their offspring with bland healthy eggs in unexciting boxes.
Mother-of-two Emma Bradford said: “Despite their pleading, I don’t want my children being indoctrinated by the corporate chocolate behemoth.
“A Crunchie bar is a chocolate-covered phallic symbol laden with carcinogens, while I’ve read on parenting forums that Cadbury’s Creme Eggs are the product of grotesque genetic engineering where fondant is injected into hens.
“I shall be visiting my local independent wholefoods store and getting two NatureForest Gluten-Free Carob Ovals. Or maybe some Earth’s Way Non-Denominational Mini Planets.
“They come in tasteful packaging with pastoral imagery and cost about twenty pounds each, not that you can put a price on being a good person.”