BRITISH children should be taught things by trained professionals in some sort of large building, according to a major new report.
The Institute for Studies has set out detailed proposals for a concept known as ‘education’ which would be conducted by ‘teachers’ in a network of purpose-built facilities called ‘schools’.
Institute director, Professor Henry Brubaker, said: “In a world of ever-increasing reading, writing and adding up, we believe it is time for Britain to establish, what we have termed, an ‘education system’.”
Under the Brubaker plan children would be brought together in groups of 20-30 for about seven hours a day, with an hour for lunch as well as shorts breaks in the morning and afternoon to give them time to be utterly vile to each other.
Until the new schools can be constructed, Brubaker has proposed using the buildings where children currently go to swear, fight and contract herpes and chlamydia, while the existing staff in these buildings could be trained how to teach them instead of just sitting around all day, counting their money and waiting for their next holiday.
Prof Brubaker said: “The ‘teaching’ will concentrate on the reading and writing of words and the arithmeticking of numbers. Any child who is unwilling to learn these things would be set upon with a dirty great stick.”
He added: “There has been some debate over the age at which this ‘education’ should begin, though at this stage we should probably just focus on making sure that it does actually happen at some point.
“My personal view is that it should be before the child is big enough to call me a prick and then break into my fucking car.”