THE Church of England is to sell its shares in fossil fuel companies and continue to not give that money to the poor.
The Church said climate change was an ‘existential threat’ to the human race, ‘especially if you’re poor, which must be awful’.
The Archbishop of Canterbury said: “We will sell the shares and invest the money in nice things like trees and pharmaceutical companies who specialise in anti-depressants.
“Poor people love to climb trees and if no one is looking they could cut one of the trees down and use it to make furniture that they could sell at a market.”
He added: “I don’t why we don’t just hand the Church’s millions of pounds to poor people. Nobody does, but it’s too late to start now.
“And I’m sure Jesus would understand, because he also loved to climb trees.
“Well not trees, as such, but large bits of wood.”