WHEN Ed Miliband stumbled on his dismount from the Question Time podium last night, he threw away Labour’s election hopes. Here’s why:
‘Tripping’ is hippy slang for being high on LSD which makes users think they can fly. Experts believe Miliband, dosed up on LSD, thought he could effortlessly levitate down from the podium.
Miliband’s oversized eyeballs, which detect light well beyond the human visual spectrum and mean he sees people much as the Predator does, adversely affect his depth perception and caused him to miss the step.
The Labour leader is thought to have shattered both of his weak, intellectual North London ankles in the fall and will complete the election campaign on a mobility scooter, repelling floating voters.
Electorates have traditionally mistrusted clumsy leaders. Neville Chamberlain tumbled down an airplane’s steps in 1938 on his return from meeting Hitler in Munich. Concerned crowds gathered at 10 Downing Street, where Chamberlain then fell from an upstairs window. Within a year Britain was at war.
The Queen requires all prospective prime ministers to run a short obstacle course in the grounds of Windsor Castle before asking them to form a government, a test Miliband could never pass.
David Cameron has responded with a short film of himself walking over stony ground while reading a book, Nicola Sturgeon is out meeting voters on a balance beam, and Nick Clegg will walk a wire suspended between the chimneys of Battersea Power Station.