LONDON commuters delayed for hours by a fire on the tracks at Vauxhall are thrilled that there is a genuine reason for once.
The fire in signalling cables beneath the tracks has left thousands happily stranded while marvelling at the clear operation of cause and effect for the first time in living memory.
Recruitment consultant Carolyn Ryan said: “A fire! A real one, with smoke and everything!
“It’s almost a privilege to be delayed by that, instead of unspecified staffing problems or a sudden, mysterious shortage of platforms.
“I can’t wait to see the jealous faces in the office when I walk in four hours late because of an actual burning fire and not just the vagaries of capitalism.
“Maybe I’ll smear my face with burnt cork. Really hammer it home.”