Dad pranks son by saying he's proud of him

A FATHER has pranked his son by saying he’s proud of him, it has been confirmed.

Stephen Malley visited his parents for Sunday lunch and began telling them about his job working for an arts charity when his father David decided to pull the hilarious stunt.

David Malley said: “He started yakking on about this new job. I cut him short and said ‘That’s great son, I’m proud of you’”.

“And he totally fell for it! He became all confident and upbeat and started saying why it meant so much to him. And before he could make too much of a fool of himself I yelled out ‘Gotcha!’”

“And he was like ‘what do you mean gotcha?’ and I was like ‘I was joking, I’m not really proud of you!’. It was absolutely priceless.”

He said: “I never thought he’d take the bait. Maybe if he had a decent job in the construction industry like his older brother then maybe it would have been believable.

“It’s actually slightly pathetic that he even went for it, the daft twat.”

Stephen Malley said: “Yeah he got me good, that’s dad, a master prankster.

“Then he made me fix his laptop.”

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Boris Johnson offered prime minister's job just to see him shit himself

THERESA May has offered Boris Johnson her job as prime minister while all the other Tories hid and laughed as he absolutely crapped himself.

More than 300 Conservative MPs were concealed behind chairs and pot plants in the Commons Smoking Room as May made the offer to Johnson, who immediately went white and had to steady himself against a table. 

Member for Wyre Forest Mark Garnier said: “I almost joined him in soiling myself because that is the funniest shit I’ve ever seen. 

“May was totally deadpan and just admitted that he’s right on Brexit, that he would do a much better job than her, that he was prime minister as of now and Michel Barnier was next door waiting for him. 

“Then she gave him a timetable of meetings with the parliamentary party, the 1922 Committee and Tory members and advised him they were out for blood. That was the quack moment. 

“He started trembling, said he’d love to but he didn’t want to be distracted from his Telegraph column, then ran out saying he needed to buy some printer paper. Absolutely hilarious.” 

Johnson said: “I regret that I cannot immediately assume the proffered position, as I have urgent commitments in this lavatory until after Brexit.”