Dad turns on mobile for second time this year

A FATHER has switched on his mobile phone and then immediately switched it off again ‘to save the battery’, it has emerged.

Martin Bishop, 62, last used his phone in January to send a message to his daughter, which read ‘HPY NW YR!’ Since then it has been kept locked in a drawer in the study so he knows where it is in case of an emergency.

Bishop’s daughter Emma said: “Mum has taken to modern technology so enthusiastically that she freely admits that she prefers playing Fruit Ninja on her iPhone to talking to her family.

“Dad, on the other hand, approaches his mobile with the kind of fear usually reserved for an unexploded bomb.

“He pretends he doesn’t like it because he’s from the analogue age, but I think really he’s scared it’s going to mysteriously start playing porn when he’s queuing in the post office.

“But maybe it’s a blessing that he never uses it. Trying to explain to him how to install the Radio 4 app took several years off my life, and probably his too.”

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Everyone stuck in meeting because some twat asked a question

A MAN who asked a f**king question at the end of a meeting is now the most hated person in the room.  

Tom Booker, from accounts, callously raised the query at 4.43pm just as everyone was preparing to leave for the pub.

Colleague Emma Bradford said: “We were so close to getting out of there. I had even stopped pretending to listen.

“I don’t know why he did it. It’s not like he cares. We work for a corporation whose name I can’t even remember, it’s just some initials or something. LRN? JBW?

“Anyway let’s beat him up after work.”

Booker’s line manager Nikki Hollis said: “I feel a bit sorry for him. He’s getting death stares but he did bring up an important issue that needed to be dealt with there and then.

“Not really. I fucking detest that guy.”