BRITAIN did a pathetic attempt at an Irish jig last night as
the Inland Revenue swigged from a whisky bottle and fired a revolver at
its feet.
The snarling, violent tax collector then made the country switch to body-popping before ordering it to find a chair and do the routine from Flashdance.
The move came after the organisation got drunk and decided to just make it up as it went along for the 14th time this year.
A spokesman said: “New rule. You dance or you die. Now do Gene Kelly from Singing in the Rain.
“We return in one week for your crops and your goats. Then we take your women and make you watch while we stick our dirty hands up their petticoats, press our stubbly faces against them and lick their milky white cheeks with our cigar-stained tongues.”
The spokesman then lifted the rim of his massive hat, grinned and spat a mouthful of brownish red liquid at Britain’s feet, adding: “And you will do nothing like the cowardly dirt farmers and mummy boys you are. Aha ha ha ha ha.
“We ride!”
The latest rule change has divided Britain with some saying they should give the Inland Revenue what it wants, even if it is just to save the honour of their daughters, while others insist the country must nominate a small group to travel to Santa Fe and hire the seven most deadly gunmen in all of New Mehico.
Tom Logan, who must pay £1,827 and does not even know how to hold a rifle, said: “Even if we had the guns, we only know how to plant and grow and work in marketing and finance.
“Then again, it is the best part of two grand because they fucked up. I hope Yul Brynner will teach me how to shoot someone right in the testicles.”
