Dungeons & Dragons player might stop mentioning it on dates

A KEEN role-player is beginning to wonder if there is a connection between his romantic failures and his interest in Dungeons & Dragons.

Tom Logan increasingly suspects women do not find a hobby based around using a small metal figure to pretend to be a dwarf to be what they are looking for in a partner.

He said: “I’m getting the dates no problems, but I’ve noticed the mood changes when I mention Hygar, my 23rd-level illusionist gnome.

“One woman’s eyes lit up when I said I was a dungeon master, but seemed palpably disappointed when I described my campaign to find the Amulet of Dragonbane in the kingdom of Grondnarok.

“The reason I think it might be D&D is because the one time I didn’t mention it my date Karen kissed me and invited me back to hers.

“I thought we’d made an emotional connection so on the next date I really opened up about the weaknesses of 3rd Edition’s magic system, and when I got back from the toilet she’d gone.”

Logan added: “Meanwhile I listen to them go on about baking cupcakes or Gossip Girl or some shit. It’s the hypocrisy I can’t stand.”

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Every Whatsapp group contains someone desperate to escape it

EVERY Whatsapp group chat contains at least one person who dreams of escaping it, researchers have found. 

No matter what the group’s subject or participants, from ‘Ladz Bantz’ to ‘FAMILY’, analysts found there is always at least one member who winces whenever they hear the chime of a new message arriving.

Study participant Nathan Muir said: “My cousin added me to a group where she shares multiple pictures of her son every day. Like 12 a day.

“I’ve muted it but it’s always there, eating up storage and keeping me weirdly aware of the toilet training of a child I’ve met twice.”

Nikki Hollis agreed: “I’m in a group called ‘The Girls’ with friends from school. It started out fun but now it’s just online therapy for Sophie, who still does mad shit when she’s drunk.

“I wish I could leave it, but I don’t want to upset her. She had a really heavy weekend. Slept with her second cousin.”

A WhatsApp spokesman said: “Our business model is connecting you with people who you’ll come to hate. We’re currently valued at around $19 billion.”