Ed Miliband owes Britain £900m

ED Miliband cost Britain the best part of a billion pounds yesterday.

He may as well have scratched everyone's car

The Labour leader’s brave, popular stance against RBS bonuses led directly to the bank losing £900m of its value as investors reckoned that if Ed Miliband was calling the shots they may as well buy shares in a mangled badger.

Nathan Muir, head of strategic investment at Madeley Finnegan, said: “Like everyone in Britain we would like the value of RBS shares to go, what is known in the financial industry as, ‘up’.

”Sustained ‘upness’ means taxpayers will eventually get their money back while pensions and savings accounts will achieve a wonderful upness of their own.

“Unfortunately ‘uposity’ is very difficult once a bank gets heavily Milibanded. It makes being Goodwined feel like being Buffetted.”

Miliband is now the third most expensive Labour leader behind James Callaghan on £2.3bn and Gordon Brown on everything.

But Miliband has been awarded a bonus for costing Britain a huge amount of money while not even being in power

Meanwhile, in a bid to overtake Callaghan, Miliband is now calling for RBS to come under the control of the department for communities and local government.

A Labour spokesman said: “Before the bank makes even the smallest investment decision it will have to focus group it to make sure ‘the people’ think it’s a good idea.

”Then the investment choices will have to certified as ECHR compatible and pass an occupational health and safety assessment.

”Then, and only then, can we all sit down together and ask ‘how will this decision affect women?’.”