Every guest room has weird painting on wall

EVERY guest bedroom in human history has had an unsettling picture hanging on the wall, it has been confirmed.

The Institute for Studies found that Even tribal rainforest communities keep a ceremonial hut for visitors with a picture of a gecko wearing a crown framed and hung up as if someone would actually like it.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “Even billionaires use their guest rooms for paintings by Hieronymus Bosch of people in hell with their bums inside out.”

Tom Booker of Newcastle said: “In the living room there’s a Polish poster for Raging Bull, in the kitchen I’ve got some framed political cartoons and in my bedroom there’s a print of The Who at Woodstock.

“And in the spare room, there’s a painting I got at a car boot sale of an old dog looking out of a window at what seems to be an abandoned funfair.

“I don’t want anyone feeling too welcome.”

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Soft top owners set for three days of year when it's not a total waste of money

BRITAIN’S convertible owners are set to enjoy the 72 hour annual period where they do not feel idiotic for buying it.

The drivers, who will spend all 72 hours on the road during the good weather, insist this is when the car becomes ‘fantastic value for money’.

Julian Cook, a Porsche Boxster owner, said: “It only cost me £22,000 second-hand last year and it’s now worth £8,000 so that’s been about £200 an hour in unforgettable behind-the-wheel experience.

“And much of that time was spent in a Cornish traffic jam trying to get to a pub that does really great fish and chips that stopped serving lunch the very second I arrived.

“You can’t put a price on memories like that. Even though I just did. But that doesn’t mean I’m counting.

“I am very happy with my car.”

Martin Bishop, who owns a brand new soft top Fiat 500, said: “People often say to me, ‘Martin, what were you thinking, you complete and utter fanny?’.

“But those are people who think of money purely in terms of something that you use to pay for things.

“A pound coin is really a dream token.”