Birmingham named UK’s most laughable city

BIRMINGHAM has taken the title of Britain’s most amusing city for the 10th year running.

Challenges from Derby and Cardiff were seen off easily by the West Midlands laughing stock, with Stoke-on-Trent losing out because judges found it was not funny if you actually live there.

Awards chairman Tom Logan said: “The combination of the accent, the architecture, Aston Villa and just that general air of sheer lolloping haplessness that shrouds the city means that Birmingham is unbeatable at the moment.

“Just try telling people it’s got more miles of canal than Venice and watch them crease up.”

Logan was keen to stress that the award should not be misconstrued as a suggestion that the inhabitants of Birmingham are gifted comedians.

He said: “Nothing makes a city less funny than everyone thinking they’re hilarious. My God, look at Liverpool.

“No, this is very much not laughing with Birmingham but laughing at Birmingham.”

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Pregnant women only doing it for the ‘hippy crack’

WOMEN are getting pregnant just so they can get high on ‘hippy crack’ from the NHS, it has emerged.

The mind-altering substance is being pushed on women in their third trimester by nurses, often foreign, and the women then find themselves so hooked they go back for second or even third children.

Joanna Kramer, from Wrexham, said: “I didn’t even know what was going on when the nurse lifted the tube to my mouth, urging me to inhale as deeply as possible.

“It wasn’t long before the effects hit me. I was out of my fucking nut but, even though I was in a serious medical condition, nobody stopped me having more.

“I’m pregnant again and this time I’m going to drag the labour out for as long as possible so I can do 48 hours on that sweet hippy crack.”

Senior midwife Jane Thomson, said: “I’ve also got this crazy shit that I inject directly into their spine. It’s totally mental and they bloody love it.”

Kramer added: “I can’t remember, but I think we called the baby ‘Chas’.”