A 38 year-old father of two has acknowledged that he now prefers Radio 4 to post-punk.
Having initially loaded his iPhone with music from his youth, Wayne Hayes admitted the only thing he had played on it for months was the Bruno Mars album.
Hayes said: “The Fall’s angular, aggressive guitars and Mark E Smith’s hectoring delivery were sacred to me in the 80s but now I have my actual life to show me that everything is hellish.
“Besides, I just bought the new Rod Stewart one and that has a Tom Waits cover on it, so my soul is not completely dead.”
The deletion of the Fall albums took place in a ceremony in Hayes’ garden shed, where his Butthole Surfers t-shirt was formally inducted as gardening wear.
Hayes also agreed to his wife’s demand that he sell his guitar on ebay and use the money to buy loft insulation.