BRITAIN’S infants will finally be made to pay for causing Britain’s massive budget deficit.
Free school lunches are to be scrapped as the government punishes children for engineering the 2008 credit crunch by trading in high-risk, sub-prime mortgages.
A spokesman said: “By removing their free mash potato and lukewarm peas we send a strong message that free markets only succeed when managed responsibly.
“These children threatened the livelihoods of thousands of innocent merchant bankers who just wanted to be happy.”
Six year-old Tom Booker admitted: “The party’s over. In retrospect, it was wrong of me to claim free lunches at the taxpayers’ expense while running a Dubai-based hedge fund.
“Luckily, I’ve accumulated about £8 million in emerging market tech stocks so I should be able to afford a sad little hotdog and a box of Ribena.”