Frontline workers overjoyed as golf resumes

ESSENTIAL workers have expressed happiness and relief that golf courses are open again.

Nurses, delivery drivers and postal workers are overjoyed that other key members of society such as retired management consultants can get back on the fairway.

London-based nurse Donna Sheridan said: “As we struggle without adequate PPE it’s a real boost to our morale that retired small business owners and professional footballers can play a few holes.

“My joy was only redoubled when I learned that lifting restrictions might mean the grouse shooting season goes ahead. You should have heard the cheering in our hospital canteen.

“It’s good news like this that keeps us going through our 14-hour shifts. We’re just keeping our fingers crossed for the return of show jumping.”

Retired accountant and Tory councillor Norman Steele said: “I was able to play my first round in weeks yesterday. I’ve enjoyed the novelty of clapping for our lovely nurses but it’s time life returned to normal.

“I trust we can get back to discussing privatising the NHS and getting foreign workers deported. Our country, unlike my glorious local golf course, is full.”

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The middle class family's guide to why the crisis is worse for them

ARE you a self-obsessed middle class family? Here’s how to let everyone know that the coronavirus crisis has been worse for you than anyone else.

Your garden isn’t nice enough

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Dinner parties are off

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Your partner is becoming unbearable in lockdown

Maybe Stephen has shown a dark side to his personality with his mild irritation about frustrating Zoom meetings. Or Annabelle just sits in her pyjamas watching Doctors all day. You definitely will need counselling after this because your relationship is in Hell. 

You are trapped in a cultural wasteland

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How are your children going to learn to ski?

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