AN idiot is moments away from placing a glass of red wine on her friend’s carpet, it has been confirmed.
Although there is a perfectly good coffee table nearby, guest Nikki Hollis has opted to balance a glass of merlot on Helen Thompson’s cream carpet after it emerged she is a thoughtless arse with a brain the size of a Tic Tac.
Thompson is now watching in terror as her moronic friend moves her glass closer to the carpet while droning on about some work-related bollocks.
Thompson said: “Oh shit, here we fucking go. I’ll try to make a show of putting my glass on a coaster on the table. Why am I even friends with this unbelievable cretin?”
Meanwhile, Hollis said: “Helen looks a bit stressed. Honestly, that woman really needs to learn how to relax and enjoy herself.
“I’ll just pop my glass on the carpet while I make a really important point about my career. Then I will get up and go to the loo and everything will be fine.”
When the liquid hits the carpet any second now, Hollis is expected to make the stain – and therefore the relationship – much worse by pouring half a bottle white wine on it.