ONCE you couldn’t throw a brick in a playground without hitting a Jane, Gary or Dave. Later it was Kyle, Connor or Lianne. But how will the fickle wheel of nomenclature turn next? Probably with these names…
Maude
Once it was just your great, great Aunt who was called Maude, all whalebone corsets and horror at new-fangled skirts four inches above the ankle. All it takes is a moment of whimsy on the part of an influencer and we’ll once again be knee-deep in Maudes.
Obidiah
The last recorded Obidiah was one Obidiah Clutterbuck, a drayman from Blackburn who died in 1910. But time has cleansed the name of its dour, Lancastrian connotations and soon it will sound as futuristic as Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Gertrude
Just a few years ago, you’d no sooner name your daughter ‘Gertrude’ than you’d call her ‘Gherkin’ or ‘Germany’. But once again, do not underestimate the middle class desire to recycle the 19th century in the search for attention-seeking Christian names.
Kevin
Has a slight image problem due to Kevin the Teenager, Kevin Keegan perms and We Need to Talk About Kevin. But Kevin will be back. Okay, not until about the year 2300. But that’ll roll round soon enough.
Shirley
Like Cinzano Bianco, Angel Delight and orange juice as a starter on a restaurant menu, ‘Shirley’ has fallen, but only temporarily, out of fashion. Within months, you’ll be able to baptise your little girl Shirley without the vicar rolling around the font screaming, ‘Shirley? F**king hell!’
Vera
Today’s parents desperate for a ‘different’ name won’t realise that Vera is so indelibly Northern and working class they may as well have added ‘Duckworth’ too, eg. Vera-Duckworth Smith.
Gordon
Yes, the last Gordon of note plunged Britain into a perma-misery of Tory rule owing to his utter lack of personal charm. His Gordon-ness, if you will. But young parents, plagued by a succession of Daves, Theresas, Borises, Lizzes and Rishis will come to look on the name ‘Gordon’ with a wistful fondness.
