Government issues guidelines for encounters with white BMWs

GUIDELINES for encounters with white BMWs, Mercedes and Audis have been published by the Department of Transport.

The vehicles, which are usually to be found in the third lane of the motorway approximately one inch from the car in front, have been officially classed as a natural hazard.

A spokesman said: “Obviously anyone who drives a white car is an arsehole, and anyone who drives a German car is an arsehole. These drivers, therefore, are arseholes squared.

“When they come up behind, don’t move out of their lane too quickly. That just makes them angry. But wait too long and you’ll hit them as they undertake you.

“On country roads, where it’’s impossible to move out of the way, if they flash their lights we advise calling a whiplash injury claims specialist immediately.”

Julian Cook, the driver of a white BMW 3 Series, said: ““The car has automatic sensors that shout abuse at any pedestrians I almost run over, which is incredibly useful because I’’m usually on the phone.

“And my car isn’t white. It’s Glacier Ibis.”