Homeless man looking a bit down today for some reason

A HOMELESS man who is usually upbeat seems a bit down today and no one’s quite sure why.

Bill McKay, 56, usually sings Born in the USA while greeting passers-by but locals claim he doesn’t quite seem his usual jolly self.

Local Barista, Julian Cook said, “He’s usually so full of life. Dancing about the place, proposing to every girl who walks past him and then laughing when they walk off. But today he’s just sat there looking bloody depressed.

“I wonder why he’s in such a mood?

Usually I’d give him a cup of coffee and a bit of cake for being so entertaining but if he’s going to just sit there looking like he wants to cry then he can sod off.”

When asked why he was so down, McKay simply shook his head, muttered something about the government and then looked off down the street with a heavy sigh.

Cook added: “See. What’s funny about that?”

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Ask Holly: What's everyone's problem?

Dear Holly,

Apparently hardly anyone wants to listen to me on the radio, even though I work so hard discussing pointless drivel with myself for hours on end interspersed with soul-destroying tracks by Coldplay and Michael Buble. What’s everyone’s problem?



Dear Chris,

My dad’s had a great idea for Channel 4’s new direction with Bake-Off. Instead of all this old lady nonsense about Victoria sponges and gingham and witty lesbians, the new version should be called ‘The Great British Man-Off’ and it’ll be a load of competitive middle aged blokes being bawdy and doing manly stuff like re-sealing the bath and shouting at the radio and getting frustrated with tools. Everyone on the show will be worried about going bald and every episode will end with an embarrassing scuffle in a pub car park. 

Hope that helps,