Staying up all night playing computer games not insomnia, teenagers told

PLAYING Red Dead Redemption until dawn is not a recognised medical condition, doctors have confirmed.

Increasing numbers of under-21s have self-diagnosed as insomniacs thanks to their reluctance to sleep while there’s zombies to be shot.

Nikki Hollis, a GP, said: “I used to think I suffered from insomnia as a student, but it turns out I was just raving until 6am four nights a week. The problems went away when I stopped.

“Being unable to sleep is quite different to not sleeping because you are doing fun stuff and cannot delay your gratification to a more civil hour.”

Student Wayne Hayes said: “Sometimes I’m tossing and turning all night long trying to complete a dynastic alliance with Aquitaine in Crusader Kings 2. And other times I haven’t slept a wink because I’m chasing promotion with Barnet in Football Manager.

“I’ve been self-medicating with crisps and cans of Monster, which has alleviated the worst of the symptoms, but I really think I need to be signed off college for a week or two until I’ve won the Champions League.”

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Pointless winner won’t let £500 prize change his life

THE joint winner of a £1000 jackpot on BBC series Pointless has said that he will not let his new wealth change him.

Norman Steele, who won £500 after splitting his prize with workmate Tom Booker, will even keep his current job as a postman.

He said: “I could have earned a million pounds on some fancy ITV game show, but doing it on the BBC means so much more.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m going to spend, spend, spend, mainly on a return train journey to Manchester.

“It’ll be cab there and cab home, which will set me back another £75, and, of course, a slap up, three-course meal for two at Pizza Express with several glasses of house white.

“On the way home, I’ll visit our local and buy a pint for all the regulars. No crisps, mind, I don’t want them to get ideas.

“Then I’ll go home, have a bath and think about how I’m going to spend my remaining £3.73.”