Jamie Oliver wearily wanks out yet another f**king cookbook

JAMIE Oliver has wearily dumped yet another book of recipes, photographs and shit onto the market for Christmas. 

The celebrity chef, who has been stuck in this fucking rut longer than he can remember, tiredly admitted the new book is the same old bollocks with a sprig of holly on top.

He continued: “I was going to skip this year because I just cannot stand it anymore.

“But then the publisher says I’ve never done a Christmas one, and I say ‘surely I have,’ and he’s like ‘amazingly no’ and I’m like ‘well whatever’ so, once again, I’ve crapped something out.

“It’s all about boshing the old bird in the oven while you have a couple of ales and I dunno, bacon sandwiches with a bit of maple syrup on for breakfast on Boxing Day.

“Near 20 years these have been coming out now. Remember when I was the Naked Chef? A lifetime ago.

“Anyway, new fucking book, buy it or don’t. You’ll never make anything in it anyway.”

Jamie Oliver’s Christmas Cookbook is out now from Michael Joseph, priced at £26.