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How to be a jolly good dad, by Boris Johnson

HELLO, Britain. Boris here. You’ve probably heard that I’m about to become a father. Well, being a good dad is a lot like running the country. Here’s how I do it.

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Wearing sparkly trainers key sign that you're a kn*bhead

RESEARCHERS have found that adults wearing metallic or bejewelled trainers are 12 times more likely to be total cocks. 

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