A BABY attending his first wedding is looking forward to causing total carnage.
Four-month-old Nathan Muir revealed he was ‘psyched’ in advance of the ceremony in rural Hertfordshire.
He said: “I’ve been perfecting an utterly piercing screech all week. I shall deploy it just as the vows are being exchanged.
“My mum won’t take me outside. She’ll want to give the bride and groom a much-appreciated glimpse of things to come. She’s cool, my mum.
“Meanwhile, I am going to be quite the fucking rascal.”
Nathan’s father, David, said: “We’ve got Nathan an irresistible Babygro tux and he’ll wait until one of the cousins picks him up before copiously soiling himself. Boom.
“He then plans to get into a ‘thing’ with another baby, to assert his dominance, before vomiting all over the bride’s Vera Wang dress.
“It is going to be fantastic.”