Jesus died to give us two bank holidays

THE Archbishop of Canterbury has given thanks to Jesus, who gave his life so that we could have not just a Monday off work but a Friday too.

Jesus, God’s only begotten son, died for his belief that workers deserve a four-day paid break just when the weather is beginning to pick up.

Archbishop Justin Welby said: “The heavenly miracle of Good Friday was bought with the blood of the Lamb, spilt for everyone who’s got a bit of decorating to do.”

Biblical scholars believe Jesus was a carpenter, hard at work in Nazareth, who received a divine revelation telling him to take a few days off and maybe catch some rays at the Sea of Galilee.

Jesus’s teachings spread until Easter became a holiday long enough to get 12 friends together and head into Jerusalem for a big meal with plenty of wine.

The Archbishop, reading from the Bible, said: “Now when the evening did come, He died on the cross. And behold, on the third day He rose again, nice and late after his first proper lie-in in ages.

“And He said unto them, Fear not ye for there is still no work tomorrow. Lo, does anyone fancy a pint?”