Kid from Year 8 knocks out kid from Year 10

A BOY from Year 8 has won a fight with a boy two years his senior, it has been confirmed.

12-year-old Wayne Hayes was confronted by 14-year-old Nathan Muir during lunch break, where Muir highlighted that Hayes’s shoes were ‘proper gay’.

After a brief period of shoving, the situation developed into a fight which Hayes somehow won.

Hayes’s classmate Tom Booker said: “I don’t know how Nathan is going to come back from that.

“He should probably change schools or move to America or something. This will probably be the reason he becomes a policeman one day.”

He added: “Just goes to show it’s not the size of the dog in the fight but the fight in the dog, as the wise old kids say in Year 11.”

Teacher Mr Logan said: “I do feel sorry for him. The rest of this school year Nathan’s just going to be told ‘yeah, but you got banged out by that kiddie in Year 10’.

“Which is only right I suppose because that is what happened.”

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Man admits breaking into family's home to do BBC Skype interview

A MAN whose BBC interview was interrupted by a family has admitted breaking into their house to use their broadband.

Professor Robert Kelly, who is wrongly assumed to have his shit together because he is white and wears a suit, actually lives a feral existence on the streets of South Korea where he scavenges for scraps and drinks water squeezed from tree roots.

Kelly said: “I’ve been living the life of a wild man for some time now, mostly I just wear a loincloth but I keep a suit hidden in a bush for when I have occasional BBC interviews on Skype about normal human stuff.

“This was a nice big house so I guessed they would have good, fast internet. It seemed empty so I prised open the bathroom window with my long, claw-like fingernails and located the office.

“You can imagine my surprise when those kids wandered in. You could tell from the terror on their little faces they didn’t know what the hell was going on.

“Sorry if I scared anyone. I meant you no harm.”

Householder Jung-a Kim said: “It was a big shock but he was quite polite, we gave him a glass of orange juice, he nodded his thanks then fled into the fields. He had kind eyes.”