Man who stayed in missed greatest night out of all time

A MAN who decided to stay in has missed the greatest night out in the history of nights out, it has emerged.

Martin Bishop, from Stevenage, stayed in ‘because the last few Saturday nights had been boring’ and he thought he would be better off saving his money.

Bishop’s friend, Tom Booker said: “That was the greatest night out ever. It will never be repeated and only those who were there will ever truly understand just how amazing it was.

“Who would have thought all those incredible things this would come together so perfectly over the course of one astonishing evening?

“I can’t believe Martin stayed in. What was he thinking?”

Bishop said: “I don’t care. It’s all lies anyway. I had an amazing Pot Noodle and was really happy that I opened a can of Guinness and then didn’t drink it.”

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Grown woman pays money for handstand classes

A GROWN-UP woman has admitted she is paying to learn how to do handstands.

Helen Stephens said she had succumbed to the latest fitness craze that could just easily be done in the living room or back garden without a ‘qualified instructor’.

Stephen said: “I’m really worried about my ‘core’. I don’t know exactly what that is, but as far as I understand, nothing is more important.

“Allegra, my handstand instructor, tells me that I’m now handstanding at a semi-professional level.”

Meanwhile, children who do dozens of handstands a day have offered to teach adults for far less than the £35 an hour they will currently be paying to people like Allegra.

Nine-year-old Emma Bradshaw said: “It’s just a handstand. It’s meant to be fun. Each one of my handstands is perfectly executed and I don’t ever mention my core.”

She added: “I’m making a list of things not to spend money on when I’m a grown up.”