Kid wonders why he's being punished with day out to historic town

A TEN year old boy doesn’t know what he did to deserve being punished with a day out to a really old fucking town in the middle of nowhere.

Wayne Hayes said he had not only had a good week at school, he had also eaten all of his vegetables and even stopped poking his baby sister with a felt pen whenever his parents were not looking.

Hayes said: “I’ve been well good this week so why am I being punished?”

“If they were going to just punish me with this trip to Wye, Kent anyway I could have not eaten any vegetables and I could also have given my sister a dead arm for getting more attention than I do.

“Every get the feeling you’ve been cheated?”

Hayes’s father Joe said: “He’s grumpy now but wait until he sees the parish church of St. Gregory and St. Martin.

“And the other four things that were on TripAdvisor’s Top Five Things To Do In Wye, Kent – one of which is just ‘Nature’.”

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Absolute psychopath puts on socks before pants

AN ABSOLUTE psychopath has confirmed he puts his socks on before his pants.

Orthodontist Roy Hobbs confessed to the practice after 48 years of secretly going from fully naked to wearing just socks.

Attempting to justify the obscene practice, Hobbs said: “You’ve got to admit, it makes sense. Starting from the ground up is the logical way to get dressed.

“Why are you backing away from me?”

It is estimated that up to one per cent of the male population clandestinely put their socks on first – around the same number that pronounce ‘h’ as ‘haich’, and urinate sitting down.

Hobbs’ partner Mary Fisher said: “I always left the house before Roy in the morning so I had no idea.

“I forgot my purse one day and came back in to get it, and there he was. I didn’t talk to him for two months.

“It’s the main reason I don’t want to marry him.”