Last man to still use the phrase 'having it off' dies

THE last man in the UK to describe sexual intercourse as ‘having it off’ has died, aged 78.

Norman Steele, from Berkhamsted, was using the phrase right up to the very end, employing it in a suggestive quip he made to a nurse on his deathbed.

The nurse was described by Steele as ‘busty’ and probably a ‘bit of a goer’ with whom he would have enjoyed a ‘spot of slap and tickle’, or ‘legover’.

Known for wearing a white hat, a mauve shirt and yellow cravat and never having a girlfriend in his life, Steele was nonetheless not a homosexual, or in any way inclined towards what he referred to as ‘the honky-tonk’.

However, Martin Bishop, his next door neighbour of 30 years said: “Norman was always very upfront and open about other people’s possible homosexuality.

“If he saw anyone he suspected of being ‘one of them, which was most men after the year 1972, he would immediately call out ‘Coee!!’ or ‘Oo, ducky!’ with no thought for his own safety.”


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GCSE coursework moved to accommodate Easter egg consumption

GCSE COURSEWORK dates are to be moved to allow pupils enough time to eat all their Easter eggs.

20-minute Creme Egg breaks were brought in from January until Good Friday last year, with one pupil successfully suing his school for the right to eat Smarties Mini Eggs instead.

But with pupils expected to miss as a fortnight’s school to eat their big eggs and colour in the picture on the back, teachers are under impossible pressure.

English teacher Joanna Kramer said: “Some of them stretch it out to a month. 

“‘Sorry Miss, Jordan has a big Yorkie Egg to tackle today so he can’t come in.’

Atheist parent Wayne Hayes said: “Why should religion get to impose its weird dietary precepts on education?

“Pupils should eat eggs in their own time, unless it’s a Star Wars egg because you have to respect the Jedi.”