Littlejohn engorged by your hate

DAILY Mail columnist Richard Littlejohn was in the throes of a powerful erection today as millions of people subjected him to a fresh batch of hate.

Next week: Why all arsebandits are like the only homo in the village

Littlejohn confirmed that the blood began pumping to his short, lumpy penis moments after he completed his latest article.

He added: “Just the thought of how appalled people were going to be made me so hard.

“But now all the complaints are coming in and I just keep getting harder and harder. It’s actually quite sore and hot now. But in a good way.”

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, explained: “The Mail’s business plan is based on annoying you. They pay this man £1m a year to do nothing but get on your tits.”

He added: “They know that if you are annoyed by it then lots of other people – small businessmen, golfers, your parents – are fucking loving it.

“And they only love it because they know it annoys you. If you stop being annoyed by it, they will stop loving it and then Littlejohn will have to go and do this shit in the Daily Express.

“And then it won’t matter.”