BLACKBURN Rovers have confirmed that Sam Allardyce will return to his post as regional sales executive for Ossett Windows.
The former manager has confounded expectations for over 15 years by managing some of the biggest football teams in the land despite being an adequate home improvement salesman with no football experience.
Allardyce said: “It’s been a hell of a ride ever since I got pissed during the 1994 North West Windows Conference and woke up to find I was managing Blackpool.
“One minute I’m driving around Lancashire in a Ford Mondeo full of uPVC catalogues, the next I’m being asked about zonal marking, whatever that is.
“I just told them to hoof it towards the goal and see what happens. And if that didn’t work I would advise them to invest in a new conservatory.”
Brian Ossett said: “I am delighted to welcome back the fifteenth most successful salesman I have ever had.”
The club’s new owners called time on Allardyce after several players complained they were dropped for refusing to have their guttering replaced.
Many were also unhappy that Christopher Samba was made captain simply because he allowed Allardyce to give him an estimate on a pair of dormer windows.
Allardyce added: “I think the era of my type of management is over and I won’t be surprised if Roy Hodgson gets the elbow when his bosses realise he actually runs a Daihatsu dealership in Croydon or Ian Holloway when Blackpool get a call from that Somerset village asking for their idiot back.”