LONDONERS are considering whether living in a nightmarish urban dystopia is worth it just to enjoy food crazes two months early.
As everyone in London continues to be angry and paranoid, residents of the capital consoled themselves that they got buttermilk chicken several weeks before the provinces.
31-year-old teacher Norman Steele said: “Every day here is a struggle, a loaf of bread is a fiver, the air tastes of lorries and if I collapsed on the pavement they would just build a juice bar on me.
“But on the other hand, we had pulled pork way back in 2015 and Bristol hasn’t even got massive milkshakes yet. So, swings and roundabouts.”
Brixton-based Donna Sheridan said: “I went to visit my cousin in Cardiff, and although they don’t live in a constant state of grinding hyper-anxiety I was shocked to see that down here tapas is still ‘a thing’.
“They didn’t even know that this is going to be the year of the taco, and are openly suspicious of avocado on sourdough.
“Some of them drink instant coffee with sugar in it. I couldn’t live like that.”