A MAN who wasted half an hour looking at wine eventually chose the bottle with the nicest label, he has confirmed.
Nathan Muir loitered in the wine aisle at his local Waitrose reading the back of several bottles even though he really wanted to buy a six-pack of Carling and ‘a lot of Monster Munch’.
Muir said: “I’ve got this vague bullshit notion that as a modern man I should have some knowledge about wine that goes beyond the fact that mixing red and white does not make rosé.
“I thought that if I stood around in the wine aisle some of the sophistication would rub off on me and I would meet a clever, sexy woman, but neither of those things happened.
“I just read a load of complete shit about woody undertones that made me feel both strangely inadequate and incredibly irritated.”
Muir added: “All there really is to know is that white wine tastes like piss and red wine tastes like vinegar. But everyone is impressed if it there’s an old fashioned drawing of a fancy French house on the label.”