Man determined to buy cushions

A MAN has committed himself to buying some cushions from a shop, regardless of public opinion.

Julian Cook, who is straight, single and lives by himself in Reading, has refused to buy any more cushions online, insisting he has a right to see and feel them before making a decision.

He said: “I like cushions. They’re comfortable and they make my sofa look nice, and that makes my living room look nice.

“It’s not as if I’m putting them on my bed.”

But Eleanor Shaw, who works in Debenham’s Reading store, said: “I’ve heard rumours of things like this happening in other stores. I’ll do my best, but I don’t know what he thinks he’s playing at.”

Cook added: “I’m not being paranoid. The sales assistant will give me a weird look – or be overly familiar – and my friends, both gay and straight, will make fun of me.

“Can I just buy some cushions without it being a big fucking deal?”

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Couple on first date really over doing their body language

A COUPLE on a first date are really over doing their body language signals, it has emerged.

Emma Bradford said: “When he started talking about being a season ticket holder for some football team, I casually glanced at my phone and then, even more casually, glanced around the restaurant.

“Then I casually smiled at the waiter, who casually smiled back.”

Tom Booker said: “She started talking about her ex-boyfriend and how he was a big time guy in the ‘City’ and how he drove a Mercedes.

“So, I casually lent back and put my hands on top of my head and then gazed around the restaurant like I didn’t give a shit.

“Then I casually smiled at the waitress who casually ignored me.”

Booker and Bradford stressed they will still be having sex as both had agreed beforehand that the meal was simply providing a thin veneer of respectability.