Man unable to form opinion on cushion

A FATHER-OF-TWO has entered a trance-like state while trying to decide whether a cushion is nice.

Staff at a Leamington Spa shopping centre were alerted after Stephen Malley’s catatonic body was found blocking a fire exit.

Security guard Emma Bradford said: “He was just standing there, staring at a cushion, repeating the phrase ‘is it nice?’ like it was a philosophical question.

“It was like he couldn’t reach a conclusion so had fallen into an inescapable mental loop.”

There have been a number of similar incidents around the UK, as gift-hunting men struggle to comprehend the qualities of homeware items.

Roy Hobbs, from Hatfield, said: “My wife says she wants a modern fruit bowl.  What in the name of god does that mean? Have there been some new innovations in bowl technology?”

Shop assistant Joanna Kramer said: “He just picked the ugliest bowl in the shop.”