Men will never know joy of taking off bra at the end of a long day

MEN will never know the transcendent joy of removing a bra at the end of a very long day, woman have confirmed.

A survey found the end-of-day bra removal ritual offers more relief than squeezing a spot, finishing a telephone conversation with a parent and closing the door in a nightclub toilet cubicle combined.

Dr Helen Archer said: “For once, I almost feel sorry for them.

“Our tests showed the nearest equivalent for men is ‘putting their feet up’, which is frankly pathetic compared to the soaring bliss experienced by women finally freeing their bazoomas. That’s the scientific term.

“The relief directly correlates with how late it is, how shitty a day it’s been and other factors, such as length of commute and underwire pokiness.

“We’ve collated and tabulated the most rewarding methods including arm-by-arm, a gentle slide down the torso and straight-up whipping it off, although the latter is not recommended for more buxom women.

“We also found that male partners’ offers to help remove the bra under end-of-a-long-day conditions had a success rate of approximately one per cent. And that’s with a one per cent error margin.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Man personally offended by friend’s small TV

A MAN is absolutely outraged at the pathetic size and technological backwardness of his friend’s television.

Nathan Muir has admitted feeling utter disgust at friend Tom Logan’s 32-inch TV which has neither 4K or OLED and is not even curved.

He said: “I walked in and was like, shit, what’s happened to your telly? Why have you got the bathroom one in the lounge?

“Turns out that is his actual telly. Like his main telly. ‘It’s high-definition,’ he said, for all the world as if it was 2009 or something.

“Put it on and the picture, christ. I don’t know how he looks at it. ‘Have you at least changed the settings?’ I said. He hadn’t. Default fucking settings.

“Tried to get YouTube on and guess what. Not even a smart TV. No internet connectivity. Looked around for his soundbar? Hasn’t got one. Using the actual TV speakers.”

Muir added: “I don’t think I can go round there again. I don’t know if I can be friends with someone who has such different values.”