Ironic moustaches defeated by deadly serious moustaches

MEN are no longer growing Movember moustaches for charity because they all have entirely serious moustaches already. 

Movember, which five years ago was popular with men growing facial hair for ironic and humorous reasons, is now shunned by the majority of British men who have facial hair all year round and are not prepared to laugh about it.

Joe Turner of Swindon said: “I like Movember because it introduced me to the world of moustaches, but I’m not messing about anymore.

“Once funny, my moustache is now yet another thing I take ridiculously seriously, alongside watching other men kick a ball around a big green field and making the perfect macchiato.

“A girl giggled the other day when I was applying my Captain Fawcett’s Moustache Wax. I glared at her.”

Turner’s girlfriend Eleanor Shaw said: “Movember normalised moustaches. Now men like Joe go round looking like an absurd cross between Barry Chuckle and Terry Thomas without even a trace of humour.

“Why am I still with him? Because at least it’s not a fucking beard.”