Middle-aged men reminisce about all the drugs they used to take

A GROUP of middle-aged dads are to spend an evening remembering just how off their tits they got in their younger years. 

The four men, who collectively have nine children, own property worth more than £2.5 million and hold senior positions in major companies, will discuss drugs including MDMA, ketamine, LSD, cocaine and amphetamines.

Tom Logan, who drives a BMW 7 Series and has a reputation as the office disciplinarian, said: “Remember when you’d all gone to Gatecrasher after I’d passed out on mushrooms, then you got home and I’d snorted all the coke?”

Corporate lawyer Joseph Turner said: “God, I remember the bouncer at Golden searching me and feeling a bag of fifty pills slip down my trouser leg.

“Walked right in with it on the toe of my loafers. Christ knows how many I necked that night. I was so fucked they found me talking to the bins.”

Julian Cook, who runs his own distribution business, said: “Those were the days; your only worries were if you’d scored good shit and had enough weed for the comedown.

“I’ve actually got some acid, if anyone wants to..? No? No, you’re right. Wouldn’t really go with the honey-brined pork.”

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Fan with ‘Wenger Out’ banner sick of Arsenal winning

A DISGRUNTLED Arsenal fan is tired of bringing his ‘Wenger Out’ banner to games that the Gunners win.

Supporter Stephen Malley had to hide the banner under his seat after Arsenal’s tenacious comeback against Manchester City and admitted he might as well have left it at home for their victory over West Ham.

He said: “Sixty quid this cost me. I’m beginning to think it’s cursed.

“I bring it along, furled and ready, but the minute I get it out we score and I have to pretend it’s a haemorrhoid cushion.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m still fully behind the sentiment, but it’s hardly going to get a rapturous reception from the crowd when we’re two-nil up and cruising, is it?

“I’ve given this club my heart and soul for 30 years. Is it too much to ask for them to lose the next few games?”

Arsenal striker Olivier Giroud said: “It gives the players such a boost to know that win, lose or draw we can count on our fans to be there, calling for the dismissal of our manager. That’s true support.”