Middle class grandparents demand ridiculous ‘original’ nicknames

A PAIR of middle class grandparents have confirmed that names like ‘granny’ and ‘grandad’ are too boring for people as unique and special as them.

Helen Archer and her husband Peter have told their family they are thrilled to be grandparents, but will not be answering to any traditional titles such as gran, nan or grampy.

Helen Archer said: “As a trendy, dynamic older woman I don’t want to be trailed by a child shouting something frumpy when all my other friends are being called interesting things like Whizzy and Gangnam.

“I would consider something that is popular abroad, like Abuela or Nonna, but I don’t really want people to think my daughter did it with a foreigner.

“I’m also interested in something that makes absolutely no sense but sounds cool, like Fancy or Peach.

“And as for Peter, I haven’t felt a twinge of attraction towards him since 1987, so having to call him grandpa would just add insult to injury. Maybe if he was renamed Bubba or Big Poppa it would get my juices flowing a bit.”